Delivered by David Kellogg
April 20, 2009
Whenever I had to write something important, something that concerned the future of the children we cared for, Evan would help me edit it. He was a very good editor. I could have used his help with this. He taught me how to use commas and periods. In Cambodia, he helped so many of us in so many ways, I could never fully explain the extent of it. Period.
It has always been difficult for me to understand the word selfless. Is someone selfless when they put others before themselves or when they act without self-concern? Is someone selfless when they sacrifice their needs so others can have what they need? I am still trying to understand how people become selfless. It sounds like a blissful state of mind. The only real conclusion I can come to about selflessness, is that Evan was selfless. I spent that last 8 months with him, and without being able to define this ambiguous and far too rare human quality in words, I now truly know what it is. He has loved and cared for everyone around him, with so little concern for gratitude or accolades, with so little concern for his own comfort, that he has tattooed the meaning of this word in my heart and in my soul.
Evan made a family of once abandoned children, forget that they were ever left behind. He cared for them in such a significantly, original way. When they were with him, they didn't ever feel like someone was doing a job. They felt like he was with them because they were wonderful kids and deserved someone like him around. The same way children feel with their own parents. Orphans live in a conditional world and Evan loved them unconditionally. When he played with the children, he made them feel like he was playing with them because they were fun to play with. When he taught the children he made them feel like he was teaching them, because they were fun to teach. He became such an intrinsic part of their family that often I couldn't find him when they were all crowded together. Shoeless and happy, he roamed around the orphanage weightless with equality.
If I were to define Angie's and my relationship with Evan, it would be that we tried to be there for him when he was tired from maintaining the selfless standards that he had set so high. We always felt like it was our responsibility to help him find himself when he had been giving too much of himself away. He didn't like it when we harped on him about this. We did it, because we cared. I can make a promise to anybody that has ever loved Evan, that Angie and I, in only 8 months time, loved him both like a younger brother and a best friend.
Evan was very happy in Cambodia. It was a good match for him. There were people in great need and he needed to give. Evan's last day in this realm, was spent with the kids he loved so much. We played on the beach, he bought pizza and hot dogs, and we all danced around a fire. He did their Khmer dances and they did his. It doesn't really get better than that. After Evan's death, I spoke while holding him in a small temple they use to help the soul move to a better place. I told him how much his mom and dad loved him, and how much we all were so deeply proud of what he has done and the permanent example he has set for all of us.
We once talked about our different roles. He asked me if I could do the work he was doing. Angie and my work at the orphanage was very different than his. We spent less time with the kids and more time with logistics. When he asked me that question, I said," Yes, I could have when I was younger". I regret having said that. The true answer was, No, I could not have done what he did. I want all of you to know that and I want Evan to know that. Evan has done more positive things for his little blue planet in 11 months than 99 % of all people do in their entire lives. In that way, he has lived a full life. The children will be dancing, talking, acting, playing, and caring like him for the rest of their lives. In that way, he will always be around. He has taught Angie and me what self-sacrifice is and in that way he will be alive in us. Evan has empowered us to do more and to ask for less.
Evan and I talked about how infrequently we kept in touch with our loved ones at home. Truthfully, Evan would sometimes wear my ears off telling me stories of his family and friends. There were some great stories. We came to the conclusion that the temporary distance we had created was just because we needed every ounce of energy for what was going on in Cambodia, and it was truly just too painful to think about how much we missed our loved ones. I know that Evan wouldn't be who he was without you, his family and his friends. I can say that he loved you all so much and was looking forward to coming home this summer. He said he was proud that he was volunteering for a year, but we now know; he really ended up volunteering for a lifetime. So he must be proud of himself. I am so very proud of him. He was a soldier of peace and should be honored as such. To Evan I give my love and respect and to Evan I give the word selfless. Thank you.
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Evan always lived in the moment and was completely selfless and would give the shirt off his back or the mattress he slept on to anyone at anytime. He was a brother to me and I don't even know what else to say other than I will always hold him dear to my heart.
Angela Kellogg,
Fellow Cambodia's Hope Volunteer
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Dear Family and Friends of Evan Witty and Cambodia Hope Volunteers,
My name is Jim Primm. I am a university professor in Hawaii. I have an
adopted Cambodian daughter and I go to Palm Tree twice a year to spend
time with the children. It is with profound sadness and shock that I
learned of the death of Evan. I met Evan last January and spent a
good deal of time with him. I felt I got to know this incredible
young man even in that short time.
My heart has a big hole in it right now. I am not a
religious man and life's mysteries and setbacks do not come easy,
but I think we all are enmeshed by the threads of our humaness
and it was a privilege and an honor to be connected to Evan
however briefly. As empty and saddened as I feel right now, I know
that my heart will eventually be full again. It will be healed
because of the way Evan treated me, by the way he treated the
staff at Palm Tree, by the way he was so totally engaged and committed to
what he was doing at the school. It will recover due to the rich and
warm memories I have of Evan interacting, playing, laughing,
teaching and crying with the blessed children of Palm tree School.
He was truly a pied piper of human kindness and gentleness.
The hole will be filled with the love Evan had for the children
of Palm Tree and the equally magical love that they for him. I
witnessed it daily. Goodness will come of this because of the
goodness of Evan's heart. Let's honor Evan by being equally committed to
helping make the lives of the children of Palm Tree just a little
bit happier. I think that is what he would have wanted. I will
miss him but he has a place in my heart.
Peace,
Jim Primm
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"It's not the years in your life, but the life in your years."
Evan Witty was one of those rare people that, as if he knew he had a limited number of years, lived his life to the fullest. He made the most of every moment, always seeing the glass as half full and finding the humor in even the most uncomfortable of situations. One morning at Palm Tree we encountered some plumbing problems. The pipe coming from the girls bathroom was leaking... all over Evan's bed. Instead of complaining and letting this unfortunate situation ruin his day, Evan laughed. Of course, the bed in question was his only because "he couldn't imagine taking the big bed." He said he didn't feel right "living like a king" and humbly chose the smaller of the two beds in his room. This was the Evan we knew - making the most of everyday, rolling with the punches you're bound to receive in Cambodia, celebrating its incredible culture, facing challenges head first and doing this all with a genuine sincerity that made everyone around him smile.
Above all, Evan was kind and compassionate. The kids took notice of this. They all loved and adored him. Evan was the all-star volunteer that no one else quite measured up to. His company and insight definitely made our time at Palm Tree more worthwhile. Have a question about what needs to get done? Talk to Evan. Wondering how to go about getting the kids to pay attention in class? He knew. In his classroom, if a student was not paying attention or pouting (which certainly happened), the entire class had to sing "If you're happy and you know it." Once every student was singing, the song could end. Of course, the kids all had big smiles on their faces at the end of the song and were again ready to learn. His creative techniques allowed him to be both teacher and friend. He was genuinely connected to the children.
Evan immersed himself in both the orphanage and Cambodian culture. Evan enrolled himself in Khemi classes, a testament to his commitment, as it's one of the more challenging languages out there. He developed a solid group of friends in Phnom Penh. Towards the beginning of our time in Cambodia, Evan and Bryan invited us to hit the town with them. We remember being so impressed by his popularity. As such a likeable and funny guy, Evan made a solid group of friends in Cambodia that truly loved and cared for him.
We cannot begin to express our sincere and heartfelt condolences. Evan and his family are in our thoughts and our prayers. We lost a great man, one who had such a bright and rewarding future ahead of him. Evan made every effort to make each day the best that it could be. He did not take his life for granted and he lived it to the fullest. In his short time with us, he touched a lot of lives all over the world. He made his presence known and appreciated. Evan Witty will live on in the hearts of people across the globe.
Love and God Bless,
Alex Golub and Eric Guzik
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Dear Witty Family,
I spent two months with Evan at Palm Tree, and though that may not be much time, I feel that in circumstances that put me out of my comfort zone, two months can feel like a lifetime. My experience would not have been the same had he not been there. He was there to give me advice, listen to me complain and check in on me when he knew I was having a rough time. Much of my time was spent in our air con rooms or out to dinner chatting about general life at Palm Tree and the lives we had left at home. When talking about the kids, his love for them was endless. He worried about them as if they were his own. He told me once that he realized he would worry about them forever, always wondering how they were and whether or not they were safe and healthy. They had become a part of his life and he will remain forever in theirs. Whether or not he knew it at the time, he made and impact on my life and I will never forget him, and the impact he made on the kids will remain for generations to come. He had a huge heart and was one of the most likeable people I have ever met. I hope it is of some comfort to you to know what an influence he had on me and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Sincerely,
Margot Scheiferstein
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The Witty family,
There is nothing I can say to you here to lessen your pain and for
that I am sorry. All I can offer you is what follows. I only spent a
short time with Evan but we shared an experience few others can share
and his loss saddens me greatly. This is one of the ways in which your
son will be remembered:
I did not know you well Evan, and for that I am now greatly saddened. Though our lives touched for only a few moments, our meeting took place at a unique point in my life. We shared one such moment in Cambodia. A moment I consider to be one of the most memorable nights of my life. We did nothing extreme — no bars, no parties, no music — just you, Shea, Brian, Regina and I sitting around a table that sat out over a lake in the slum that is the Bueng Kok area of Phenom Phen. We all just chilled there chatting, drinking iced coffee with sweet cream, eating pizza, and doing nothing of any great significance. It was a perfect moment. We were all relative strangers, all with differing opinions and world views, yet we sat as if friends for years, all seemingly comfortable with our ignorance of the other.
I do not know how you viewed that time, but since then I have thought about that night countless times. You will remain a small part of who I am for the rest of my life, and I count it a great tragedy that we shall never meet again.
Thank you my friend and goodbye.
Cory
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My Remembrances of Evan
Although I was only two weeks in the Orphanage, Evan and I had great contact from the beginning. The first week I was very busy with Angie creating a medical center. Evan was helping us and I was very impressed by his relationship with the children. He felt very responsible for their wellbeing and health.
In the evenings when we went out we had a lot of fun and talked a lot about Cambodia, but also about being young and enjoying life. I have two sons aged 24 and 25, and I told Evan that he was my third son.
Evan organised that all the children groups were checked. A very good job.
The second week, Angie and David were in Bali, so Evan and I worked together, trying to improve the hygiene in the kitchen. We went buying all the things we needed, such as a stainless steel table, bugs screens etc. We made a plan to make to ensure the whole kitchen area would be free of any pests.
When I had to go home, he promised me to visit us in Holland.
Evan was a very special child with a lot of goodness in his heart. He is a great loss for the Palm Tree Orphanage. I will always remember him and put his picture in a frame, so I can talk to him.
Dear parents of Evan, my thoughts are with you. The worst thing in life is to lose a child.
I am very happy that I knew him, although my heart is bleeding.
Petra van der Klaauw
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Dear Mr. & Mrs. Witty,
We are so saddened to hear of the tragic death of your son, Evan. Please accept our deepest and sincere sympathy to you and your family.
I had the pleasure of meeting your wonderful son last month at Cambodia's Hope. I was deeply impressed by his love for Cambodia and the children in the orphanage. He loved his work there-so much that it seemed as if he never wanted to leave. Everyone commented on his dedication and that he hesitated to take a moment off for himself.
His intelligence, sensitivity and compassion were evident to all those around him. The children gathered around him, showering him with love and attention.
Evan had a smile that was warm and caring — I will never forget that. He enjoyed his days in Cambodia, and that was quite evident.
Evan showed a quiet gentleness to the children and they in turn loved him back. Evan was an Angel sent by G-d to take care of these children.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. May G-D bless you and take care of you.
Warmly,
Shelley and Dan Schwartz
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I volunteered with Evan in the summer of '08. That summer was the best summer of my life. It didn't take long for me and Evan to become best buds. No one has changed my life in such a short period of time than he did. He wasn't even trying to, he was just living life.
I remember one time we were riding in a motor cart to pick up pizza for the kids. On the way to the pizza shop, we saw half clothed kids walking in the streets with trash bags. They were sorting through the piles of garbage on the curbs and digging in trash cans hoping to find something they could salvage. I noticed that Evan's eyes became heavy and he grew silent for a moment. He then looked at me and said: "This just breaks my heart. I want to pick up every one of these kids and take them back with me to the orphanage." He showed me the true definition of compassion.
I often wonder how Evan would want me to live, and the answer is clear to me: Live and love. To love until you can't anymore, and then love some more. To experience life in all its depth, and laugh. I know I can't live like Evan did. He is my Superman. But I will try. And I know the only way that I can come close is because he showed me how.
I remember another time when his friends wired some money to him. He was just about out of money and was living off close to nothing. I was shocked when he said "Yeah it's great! I can throw the kids a pizza party now". I couldn't believe it. Even when he had nothing, he was capable of giving everything. He humbled me...
We used to order chocolate shakes everywhere we went. I never had someone enjoy the rich, creamy sip of a cold choco shake like Evan. We would laugh and tell stories as we savored those drinks while relaxing to the sun setting over the lake. It's funny how the small things make such a big difference.
How do we know if we've achieved our purpose in life? I've heard that if we are still alive, then we haven't yet. It seems like God called Evan home too early; he had so much more to do and so many more lives to change. But I believe he finished what God intended him to. His life was short, but it was wonderful. He lived a good life filled with wonder, adventure, and surrounded in love everyday. I don't feel glad that Evan was a part of my life. I feel honored and blessed that I got to be a part of his life. I am blessed that I got to experience those moments of joy which he found fulfillment in, because they gave my life meaning too.
I look at pictures of us and the kids and smile. I see how Evan lived in every moment and enjoyed every opportunity God gave him. He didn't need money and he didn't desire material things. He cherished moments. Moments that he got to live more through connecting with others.
Whenever I hear people doubt if God's hand is working in the world, I will simply think of Evan and smile. And when I am still and I feel the sun warming my face, I can sometimes hear that faint beat of life which Evan danced to.
Thank you, Evan. I love you, and I will see you again.
~Kyle Jonas
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Evan came to Palm Tree when I had about two weeks left of my stay before I returned back home. Although it was only a short time together, I had the opportunity to hear many of his stories about his travels before his Cambodia experience — like his time spent in Amsterdam, and working at the pub crawl. And now he was spending a year in Cambodia teaching English to the most amazing and loving children I have ever met. Although at the time I believe I told him he was crazy for planning on spending an entire year in this place (which he responded to with a simple shrug and some laughter), I really admired him for his will to see the world, and experience it as full-heartedly as possible.
Since I had been living in Phnom Penh for the past 2 months with other volunteers, we showed him around the city for his first time. He took in the bustling and chaotic city with open eyes, and never showed a glance of being overwhelmed or uncomfortable. Evan was always up for a beer at the guesthouses in Boeng Kak, where the volunteers would go at the end of the school day to tell stories of home and our past travels. He was a lot of fun to be around, and always had a smile on his face. During my last days at Palm Tree, the volunteers took the children to the water park, and although Evan had mentioned he didn't want to spend too much money too early in his stay in Cambodia, he helped pitch in with the rest of us, and helped pay for the kids to have admission into the water park, a hot dog, and a soda. I thought that was very charitable of him. He would also help out with buying the kids fruit each night for dinner as well - we would buy bananas, mangosteens, other various Asian fruits, and their favorite- apples! On my last day in Cambodia, Evan came along with the children in the tuk-tuk to take me and Cory (another Palm Tree volunteer) to the airport to say goodbye. I remember joking with him that the next time I return to Palm Tree — which I had hoped to be in a year — I'd run into him since he was still going to be there. Before we walked into the airport with our thousand-pound suitcases, Evan told me he had a lot of fun with us, and thanked us for showing him around. He said he was sad to see us leave. We hugged, and I told him I had a great time as well, and good luck with everything. He stood with the children and waved goodbye as we walked into the airport.
Evan was a great person, I had a lot of fun with him in the two weeks I spent with him, and I recall telling him that I wished he would've gotten to Cambodia sooner, so we could've had more time to spend together. The children loved him. Every morning I would wake up and come outside, and Evan would already be awake and playing with the children — the smaller girls loved playing games with him and singing songs to him. He was a great teacher, and he got along well with all the staff members. I am very lucky that I had the opportunity to meet such an amazing volunteer, traveler, and friend.
~Shea Bergman Pittsburgh, PA
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